My strong will kid

My Strong will Kid!!!



"My daughter is not listening my words;She is stubborn" my friend worried ....

I was concerned about those words my friend shared with me .The word stubborn made me think and analyze the words of stubborn,perseverance, strong-will and Grit. I am not very good at English vocabularies. But I am pretty sure that kids are not to be stubborn .People are naming the strong will kids as stubborn kids.I have remembered the course "Positive Psychology: Character, Grit and Research Methods" From University of Penn.




Strong-willed kids are generally determined, highly motivated, persistent and not easily persuaded once they’ve made up their minds. My daughter has made her mind not to wear her hat even though the temperature is less than 10 degree Celsius. I became tired to convince her.But she is very clear in her way to follow her dad to not wear hat.

 Most parents consider a strong will as a negative personality trait because it often creates resistance and frustration in family life. I love strong-willed kids in my personal (I am a mom of strong willed toddler😂) and professional life. I know that they drive their moms crazy but they are going to make a difference in the world one day. They are the leaders of tomorrow. But Unfortunately, it’s hard to raise a leader at home. These kids always have their own ways of doing things and like to tell other people (including their parents) what to do😓.They are better equipped to succeed, be creative. When we channelize them in a right direction, they will be more creative and succeed as leaders to uplift our society. Unchannalized strong will might end by even harmful to the society.

I have some tips to channelize their spirit not to break their spirit



1.Create strong inner moral principle not only by words but by your actions.
2.Find things (extra or co curriculum) that they can do that will challenge their strong wills.
3.Provide Healthy discipline which occurs when a parent helps a child yield to his authority and this can be done while preserving the child’s strong sense of self respect.
4.Parents should be strong willed in disciplining them in a healthy way.
5.Give Positive choices to feel their Independence's.
6.Give some space to plan their routine works to do .
7.Create better emotional bonding.

In my perception,
Having Strong-willed mind is the better personality to get success.

Use this curve make your life straight

         Key of success
We can not find our happiness anywhere but it is within  us by our  action. Happiness is not a postponing action, but it is the action of present. The good thing in our life is just enjoy our present moment. Each present moment  moment is our life. We should practice to appreciate small small  things,because 1000's of small things are making  a big thing. The Curve of smile make your life straight. Yes ;not better knowledge give happiness but better attitude. When you focus on what you have rather than what you don't have, then  you could  find your happiness.

I  have wondered that Happiness definition has been changing  over the time.

At 500 BC -Happiness is defined in terms of dignity
At 400BC -Happiness is equal to peacefulness
At 300BC- Happiness depends on our self (Aristotle)
At 10th century -Happiness is measured in terms of knowledge of spirituality
At 16th century - Happiness defined in terms of outcome of their effort
At 19th century - Happiness is defined by doing actions

 In 21st century,happiness is defined in terms of success.People are thinking that getting  success make them  happy. But in my view, Being happy make you to get success.The more happy you are can achieve success more.

Happy people might give 30% more sales in their organization.

They could be 3 times more creative.

31% more productive.

19% more accurate.

10% more engaged.

Happier people are more productive and more healthier. So in my perception ,happiness is the key of success. 

Special note when you thrive for success

When we thrive for a success, we might fall  into traps of success. I recognized four traps of success.

Greedy

Some people don't feel satisfaction at all in whatever they achieve. They  want to become  more and more famous. They  want to become wealthy more and more. They feel always hunger for fame and wealth. Stay hunger will pull you in the the  big trap of unhappiness.

Unmatched Pond

When we choose a pond which is very bigger than what you really need ,then we are falling into an inferior  thoughts of  trap .Sometimes when you see highly qualified people only around you ,then it will give you inferior thoughts that pull you in to the trap of unhappiness.

Copying other's goal

Sometimes we will follow other's goal blindly.Each people strengths are unique. For example after seeing Dhoni's  cricket excellence, you may put effort to become like him without analyzing your own strength. That means you are simply copying other's success in your life which might lead you to fall into the trap of unhappiness. When we work towards our own  goal  then it makes us happy.

Time to Think

1.Are you in a right pond of success?.

    refer here to find your right pond

2.Are you balancing your inner joy and success?

Refer here to find your success and joy balance

3.How to get the key of success?

Click here to find the recipe of happiness

All the best to use your right  key to get the treasure of success!

The unique way of fact

Perception

Last week my husband asked me after the birthday party what was the music you liked most in the  party.  I didn't know what kind of music was  played there because I was chatting with my closest friend about  my favorite topic. I heard the music in the party but not listened. Yes;. The more I hear, but the less I know for sure. The more I see, but less I know for sure.

Our eyes have the capacity of detecting candle light from 20 feet away. Our ear has the ability to receive clock tick sound from 20 feet away .We are seeing and hearing  what our mind is comprehend to see and hear. Perception make the difference between seeing vs observing and hearing vs listening. In my perception ,Perception is  favorite topic in  psychology studies.  Each  people's  perception is unique . Even each thing's perception is different  for each  person. It is the unique way of fact.                    

Not only seeing and hearing things according to the perception . Our happiness, success, pain, emotions are based on perception only. For example my daughter will be much happier than me when we go for a water park. Happiness is a positive perception of our brain. Happiness and pain  depends on how we are taking it; not on how we are making it. Music are as sad as listener only.Change of our life means how you are changing your perception only.

In my perception,

We are not seeing things as they are; but as who we are!

Define your perception before defining others!

Hoping you all  understood ,why I have chosen my blog title as "Kanmani's perception".😃😃😃

                         Kanmani perception is my unique  way of fact !!!

The people around you

People around you are important!

                 Last week   my neighbor asked me that Why do  you address your younger daughter always as 'good girl' , 'sharing girl' and so on .I replied to my neighbor that I want her to be a good girl, and hence I am calling her good girl always.Yes;Your word might be the seed for one's success or failure. As a social animal of human, we are interdependent on those who around us. Other people's thoughts ,words, expectation  might influence one's behaviour and attitude.  I would like to share with you the three psychology experiments to prove that people around you are influencing you which I learnt from  the lecture  of 'Foundation of social psychology' by Dr.Andy luttrel ,professor of social psychology  in Ball state University, U.S.A .

Experiment 1

Influenced by other's thoughts   

 For a research purpose ,a group of randomly chosen kids were named as  intelligent kids and the same list was handed over to the class teacher at the beginning of the academic year.They found  that the randomly chosen kids scored high marks compared to the other kids in all the subjects at the annual examination. Teacher's  belief was 'selected kids' are really intelligence kids (she didn't know that they were randomly chosen). So  she treated or handled them in a manner, that  made the normal kids to become  really  intelligent kids.Teacher's thought (they are intelligent) influenced kids to become really intelligent kids.

Experiment 2
Influenced by other's words

Two groups of people's brain were scanned by a  scanning machine to find how much happiness they were feeling. For  a research purpose, Scanner gave them to drink  a small quantity of wine and  told  them what kind of wine they were given .

Group 1 :Scanner gave costly wine but  told it is a cheap wine.
Group 2:Scanner gave cheap cost wine but  told it is a costlier wine.

 The scanner detected higher happiness signal from  group 2 people  than group1. That means  scanner's word  about the wine influenced the people more than what they actually drank .

Experiment 3

Influenced by other's thoughts

Person A's expectation is B's behavior  is friendly. So  person A started to approach person B with friendly manner. So that Person B responded in a friendly way. Thus  person  A 's expectation influenced person B's behavior.

People around you are influencing directly or indirectly  to shape you or mess you up. Family ,friends, society  are influencing  in building your behaviour.   I would like to be remembered as a human  who had good family, good friends and better society and I don't ask for anything more than that, actually. 

In my perception,

  No matter what material(money) you have around you, but the people around you are matter in your life!
Be thankful to your family, teacher, friends! 

           All the very best to make better influence on other's life!

Thoothukudi incident is a war between deficiency needs and growth needs

Thoothukudi incident is a war between deficiency needs and growth needs

Thoothukudi, is one of the India's major and fastest growing sea port city with a history dating back to the 6th century AD and Emerging Energy and Industrial hub  in Tamil Nadu.  Most of the people in the city are employed in salt pans, sea-borne trading, fishing, and tourism. According to Confederation of Indian Industry, Thoothukudi has the second highest Human Development Index in Tamil Nadu next to Chennai.Thoothukudi is also known as "Pearl City" due to the pearl fishing carried out in the town. Park.(Reference: Wikipedia ).

The beautiful pearl city is more polluted and has become a non healthy city because of the copper plant Sterlite. More people in the vicinity are affected by diseases like cancer, respiratory problem, etc. The struggle to ban Sterlite has been going on for many years, but in the last 3 months it turned out into a massive protest. This peaceful protest turned into a  more heart broken day on May 22, 2018 when 13 people were killed in the police shooting.

Reference:-
http://www.newindianexpress.com/states/tamil-nadu/2018/may/23/thoothukudi-sterlite-protest-at-least-11-dead-after-police-opened-fire-against-protesters-1818202.html

The Thoothukudi incident (the protest against Sterlite , 13 people killed by police shot and Tamilnadu government  announcement to close the Sterlite chemical factory) has made me to think about what kind of structure we are following to fulfill our needs.. I remember "Maslows Hierarchy Needs" structure when I think about the Thoothukudi incident. Psychologist Maslow stated that people are motivated to achieve their needs, but some needs take more priority than the others. There are 5 stages of needs.

                               Maslows Hierarchy Needs
Deficiency need

       Stage 1 - Physiological  need (air, water, food) -Basic need
       Stage 2 - Safety needs (security of body and employment and health)-Basic need
       Stage 3 - Social needs (relationship,love, family, friends)
       Stage 4 - Ego needs (respect for others and respect by others, identity, dignity)

Growth need

       Stage 5 - self actualization needs  (is a desire to become everything one is capable of          becoming) 

To me the Thoothukudi incident is a war between Deficiency need and Growth need. Lets see how Maslow's Theory of need correlates with the Thoothukudi incident.

                          Stage 3 (need of  relationship) fulfilled stage 1 (Physiological need)

 Correlation of  stage 1 (Physiological need) ,stage 2(safety need) and  stage 3 (social relationship need)  with Thoothukudi Incident

Getting clean air is the first basic need of human for a healthy life. Thoothukudi  people got motivated to fulfill their  basic need only nothing else. Yes; they wanted not big big things but basic need of clean air. Getting protection (satge 2) is the second need of people. When people physiological  need (air, water, food) fulfilled ,then  they will look for a  safety needs(stage 2).When  Thoothukudi people struggle for  their 1st need of clean air ,they  lost their 2nd need of safety too. Yes; Thoothukudi people lost their both basic  needs in the same time. Oh !What  a frustrated time it was!

Even though they didn't get the 1st stage and 2nd stage needs, they are very strong in stage 3 (social needs). When they lost their 1st stage  and 2nd stage need, they are highly  motivated to get social needs.Yes, all Thoothukudi people got united to reach their first stage need of clean air.Moreover All Tamilnadu people have  given hand to hand and shoulder to shoulder to each other.All social media worked well to motivate all Indians to support Thoothukudi people. As a  result of high power of unity ,Tamil nadu government  announced to shut the sterlite. Yes, The stronger relationship made to fulfill their 1st stage of need.In other words fulfillment of 3rd stage (unity) only fulfilled their 1st stage of  need. The Indian people from all the countries proved that we are not far by heart .Social media also did the big part to connect all.

                           Correlation of stage 2 and Thoothukudi incident                              
The war between stage 1st need and stage 2nd need

All police officers and IAS officers need to listen their higher authorities to secure their jobs. They are highly motivated to  secure their jobs rather than securing people. The shot against people is the war between 2nd stage need ( job security) and the people's 1st stage need of clean air. 13 people lost their life security completely  in this war .Police officer shot on Snowlin  mouth that is the best indication of their job pressure. The police officers are  forced by higher authorities.

                 Correlation of stage 5 of growth need and thoothukudi incident

Growth need is a desire to become everything one is capable of becoming. Higher ruling authorities and the owner of sterlite are highly motivated to reach their higher end of 5th stage need (growth need). They are highly motivated to reach their highest potential in terms of money, fame or designation. Growth is needed in human life but how we are growing is what matter .By banning people's basic need, Higher authorities wanted to reach their growth need. Yes; Thoothukudi incident is not a incident but a war between the deficiency needs and growth needs.

                        Correlation of stage 4 ego need and thoothukudi incident
Ego need is the need of proving their identity, dignity and getting respect from others
  Dignity (stage4)  striving people  also played main role in this incident. That means some have  used this incident to fulfill their stage 4  (need of Ego). In other words,some people wanted to show their identity and seeked  popularity from people by this incident.

I can not say that striving for dignity and  growth is not good. Every human being are  motivated to  move to their next stage need and go to reach higher stage of need. The motivation is good to have but how they are reaching towards those needs  matters. When we get motivation to go for a higher stage of need,  we must follow moral principles. By demolishing deficiency needed people ,We must not grow. Run, grow but without hurting others. Everyone have the right to jump to higher stage but don't jump on deficiency needed people's life.
 Though Thoothukudi incident is the most heart broken war, it taught me to think. As I learned in positive psychology ,we are taking good experience from the bad incidents.

                                                   Time to think
How all people needs are fulfilled in the earth?

For an example ,In my view ,Crores of people are struggling to get 1st stage of basic needs of Air ,water, food .Millions  of people are struggling for their safety needs .Lakhs of people are struggling to make peaceful social life. Thousands of people are struggling for their ego needs .100's of people struggling to reach their peak value.

.The war between basic need and growth need is everywhere in the world. Some  people's higher end success behind lots of people's basic need lacking  is there. In 21st century untruth work have named as smart work. But truth alone triumphs. When we work for a right motive in a right way, then we will receive the real success.

In my perception, Thoothukudi incident teach us that run on your own track of life to reach your all stages of needs  without beating or hurting  others. Politics is good !But politics in physiological needs is not good to have.

My Obligation, You be a stepping stone to others ;don't use  basic need people as your standing stone to jump on to your higher stage. Be a leader of public as a servant leader.

                        

                                     Parent corners

Today's kids are tomorrow's officers and ministers .As  a parent

• we should teach our kids how to respect other people's need.
• Teach them the value of basic needs.
• Teach them the pain of poverty
• Show them the difference between deficiency and growth
• Teach them the difference between needed items and wished items.
• Teach them real success meaning

              Life is marathon only.But run and jump on your track only not on other's!.

Where is your focus ;Is it on acadamic development alone?

Where is your focus ;Is it on academic development alone? 

In a few weeks our kids are going to start a next academic year. Are you thinking about how to improve your kids academic performance ?In my perception ,we should give much attention not only in academic skills but  in their psychosocial development, moral development and cognitive development too. What is the change you are expecting from your kid from born stage onwards. In this post, I would like to share with you how kids are changing their attitude from born stage to adult stage.

We must become the change we want to see.” — Mahatma Gandhi

"Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still".(Chinese Proverb)

Human created by plasticity mechanism. Our life start and end by 0.yes,We are starting our life from egg (o shape) and ending with nothing (we are taking 0 worth while dying ).But in between 0 to 0,we are reaching in to different set of values.Some are trillions ,some are billions, millions ,thousands and etcs.I am not mentioning those numbers in term of money but in terms of doing worthy things to others. Yes, No matter What you earned but matters is what you did to others  .Any way  this is not my topic today. Today my topic is plasticity that how human life is changing throughout our life physically, mentally , behaviourally,  emotionally ,socially and etc.

  1.Psychosocial Development
“Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.”-Herbert Otto
                              Psychosocial means how we are facing the social conditions .There are 8 stages of psychosocial development . In Each stage ,we will face some conflicts and we must resolve the conflicts before moving to the next stage.If we are not resolving the conflicts of current stage ,then we migh struggle to resolve next stage conflicts. So successful completion of each developmental tasks results in a sense of competence and healthy personality.

stage1
From Born to 2 year
The baby see this world is safe through her mother when baby get good responsive mother. The responsive mother is putting   basic foundation of self esteem  in baby stage

stage2
At 2 years
After 2 years ,toddler will start to select their dress (not  in a big level of selection but they do).When we respect their feeling that means not granting all the time ,her self esteem will get increase.

stage 3
At age 3 to 6
Preschoolers will start to choose their own things like dress,food,games when interacting with others.They will start to put small small goals.

stage 4

At age 6 to 12
Kids Will start to compare with peers. They will  try to take pride in their work .They might feel inferior or superior  because of their situation.

stage 5
At age 12 to 19
Teens will start to get sense of Who I am.They will start to know What I want to be.

stage 6
At age 20 to 40
Once they sensed about themselves then they want to make relationship.When the one understands himself in a right way ,he  might maintain and make good relationship.The one who done; have good positive concept,they might suffer in human relation.

stage 7
At age 40 to 60
By using who I am or by their ability ,they will start contribute to others.For example,raising kids,supporting parents.

stage 8
At age 60 to end of life
Feeling sense of satisfaction what we did good by our  efficacy or sense of failure that mean They will think "i would have been"

stage	age	Developmental task	description
1	0 to 1	Trust vs mistrust	Trust (or mistrust) that basic needs, such as nourishment and affection, will be met
2	1 to 3	Autonomy vs. shame/doubt	Develop a sense of independence in many tasks
3	3 to 6	Initiative vs. guilt	Take initiative on some activities—may develop guilt when unsuccessful or boundaries overstepped
4	7 to 11	Industry vs Inferiority	self-confidence in abilities when competent or sense of inferiority when not
5	12 to 18	Identity vs. confusion	Experiment with and develop identity and roles
6	19 to 29	Intimacy vs. isolation	Establish intimacy and relationships with others
7	30 to 64	Generativity vs. stagnation	Contribute to society and be part of a family
8	65 to	Integrity vs. despair	Assess and make sense of life and meaning of contributions

Cognitive development

What we think, we become.” – Buddha
What ever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” — Napoleon Hill

As Buddha mentioned we can grow when we think about.When you change your negative thoughts into positive thoughts,then the result will be positive. When we change our  thoughts you can change the world.All  Cognition or thoughts are not only depends on  what we are learning  but it is according to our age, hormones ,genetics, surroundings too .For example adolescent thoughts are different than kids .In each stage,we will have change in our thoughts. Our  Thoughts is developing  from infancy stage to grave .You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you
                                 
There are 4 stages of cognitive development from born baby to adult .

Stage1 Born Baby
New born baby don't have any thoughts.They will go to everyone even to the stranger too.
Month baby
 Generally some month ,they don't go to stranger.They will cry to show their fear when                 new people approach near to them.

Stage 2
At age  2 -6
They will start to play pretend game.They don't look for logic.They think everything in their perspective.

Stage 3
At age 7 to 11
They will start to understand logic not big logic.They will learn logic of multiplication,division,geometry .

stage 4
At age 12 to 25
They desperately search for logic.This period is very good in creative intelligence.They will show interest in solving problems,alternate .It is the stage creative blooming stage.

Stage 5
Adult stage
They too show their interest in problem solving but in different way not like adolescent age.They will solve problem in concern of  family ,work ,security .

Age	stage	Description	Developmental issues
0–2	Sensorimotor	World experienced through senses and actions	Object permanence Stranger anxiety
2–6	Preoperational Use	words and images to represent things, but lack logical reasoning	Pretend play Egocentrism Language development
7–11	Concrete operational	Understand concrete events and analogies logically; perform arithmetical operations	Conservation Mathematical transformation
12– 25	Formal operational	Formal operations Utilize abstract reasoning	abstract reasoning Abstract logic Moral reasoning

Moral development
 Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
— Helen Keller (Political activist)

Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.”
— Bruce Lee

Yes,moral values   are important than knowledge.You don't gather knowledge means you are hurting yourself  but you don't have good moral value means you are hurting the people around you . According to age ,our moral values are keep changing. There are 6 stage of moral development. For example,Kids moral values are different than the adult stage.Lets go through moral development

Stage 1 -age 2 to 6
 In this stage kids really don't think about morality but they does good behaviour because of reinforcement.( reinforcement means punishment or rewards).eg.I will share toys otherwise mom will give time out.

Stage 2-Age 6 to 12
  In this stage kids start to understand the moral principle.That means they can  understand that sharing is caring and rewards too helps.
eg.If I share ,she could be my friend or If i don't share ,she will get hurt.

Stage 3 - Age  13 to 19
In adolescent stage,they will start to show their interpersonal skill.They will behave according to their own interpersonal character.Rewards and punishment doesn't work much.
eg.I like to help my friend because I am kind.

Stage 4  -Age 20 to 25
In this stage they will start to learn or follow principle because of authority and for social order.
eg.I need to share knowledge transition to work for a project .

stage 5-Age 25 to 40
In this stage people balance  between social order and individual rights.
eg. I will donate money to the  poor family in my society  as my society does but according to my wish.

Stage 6- Age 40 to untill death
They will look for universal truth.They will start to balance between internal moral principle and eternal moral principle.

stage	age	development
1	age 2 to 6	Obedience and punishment
2	age 6 to 12	Individual interest
3	age 13 to 19	Interpersonal
4	age 20 to  25	Authority
5	age 25 to 40	Social contract
6	age 40 to until death	Universal ethics

Questions to think as a parent

1.Are your kids struggling to resolve their stage conflicts in psychosocial development? click here
2.Are you giving enough attention in your kids moral,social development ?click here
3.How can you support them to move to solve their conflicts in their own stage?
4. Are you giving time and freedom to find their identity?click here
5.What are the persuasion methods you are following with your kids?click here

Note
Are you a parent of teenager, click here 
Are you a college student or in adult stage , click here


Reference
The book of Psychology ;Open stax college; Rice University